7 Feb 2010

Zhi Yuan, I really appreciate your help but then it will works to a certain extent only. Although time can cure most illness, it also means certain things WILL BE THERE FOREVER when it is keep happening until it just scar there. A small cut leave no scar but a major cut leave a scar for LIFE. For how long I have been keeping every single shit in me, I wanted to say out but I just can't find the right person. Leave alone the closest person to me who have been offensive for like how long when i wanted to share things with her. As time passes by and things stay the same, it turns to a habit. There is a saying in Chinese says that 'A leopard never change it's spot'. Something like that. True, it is hard to change a habit. Blog has been the way for me to vent out my feeling, frustration, anger, sadness and other feelings. I am not having a grudge against her or what. I am just giving up already. I did talk to her but failed. So I gave up as I did not see any point in continuing to talk to her. From the time I gave up until now, I have been blogging. So blog is like my relative. Although it will not talk to you or feedback to you, AT LEAST IT TAKE IN WHAT I TYPE. At least my friends are better, they listened and provide constructive suggestion. The main thing is listening. The power of listening can allow others to feel better. THAT'S WHY GOD GAVE US 2 EAR AND NOT 2 MOUTH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SAKE. Nope, she did not get that. Right now, I only can talk to her about daily stuff and not personal stuff. NO SHIT MAN! She can forget about getting in to my freaking personal life. NO WAY! NOT IN THIS LIFE. This is because I am taking precaution to prevent the freaking history to repeats itself again. No way, I don't want this kind of shit to happen again. No no no. The way I let things out is through music, blog and facebook. If things need to be said out, I will either go to my gang or my friends in campus. Usually gang more. Especially the guys in the gang. I am officially shutting her out of my personal world and letting her in my daily life. Thanks for being there for me gang and my friends... Really, I appreciate it a lot till no words can describe it. Although I may be neutral in my facial expression, but I really appreciate it in my heart. She may be crying when she talking to my close friend but what about me? WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?! I can't cry for I have no tears to cry anymore. I did not even shed a freaking tear when my grandmother died. I can't shout it out cause I will disturb other and some may even think I am crazy. I can't cut myself for I am the only child. I can't end my life cause I haven't repay my mother who have been raising me up for so long. SO MANY RESTRICTION!!! So I just kept it to myself. Imagine someone hurt you until you are so afraid, would you want it again? OF COURSE NOT, that is why I am isolating myself from her as a precaution. Once bitten, twice shy. She may be the closet to me but then she is like a normal person to me. I even feel more closer with my friends than her. I had given you so much chance but you did not treasure it. I'm sorry.