It has been some time since the last time I walked in a drizzle. Today, I had my haircut as my hair was getting long. Out of boredom, I read all my sms inbox and noticed one of the message which I previously did not pay attention to. It seems that she gave her new number beforehand. I sms-ed her through that number, she asked me who am I. I answered her question and she asked if she gave me her new number. I replied that she did give. After awhile, it died. I texted her how have she been. No reply ever since.
Waiting for my turn to have my haircut, there was tevelsion showing some old chinese drama. There is one part whereby the girl said that all guys keep their stuff/secrets/emotion (well, basically everything) in their heart. True, same goes to me as well. I am no exception from that sentence. Rarely will I share with my friends my troubles, sorrows and others. I listen to my friends pouring out their feelings. Most of the time, the issue or the problem lies with me. No point sharing if I don't do anything and just saying it. Sometimes, it just that I feel even if I tell them, they can't help much about it. For me, when I can't help my friend, I felt useless. I am not sure about my friends if they feel the same way. But still, I won't tell them just in case if they feel the same way as me. So usually, I blog but I won't reveal much as well..
Last night, my friend was chatting with me on Twitter. Well, not exactly like MSN chat though. She asked me not to be emotional so much. Well, it's hard not to be that way when you miss someone. Don't you think so? She shared with me if she miss someone, she would just cry. I wish I could but I guess I have no tears left? The last time I cried was when I was in Secondary 1. Ever since then, I didn't cry even when my grandmother passed away. I was sad back then when she passed away, just no tears coming out. She said that I was strong. This leads me to think of a double-edged sword. Both side of the double-edged sword can be used. In life, most things are like a double-edged sword. Good and bad, strong and weak and others. What you see might be just one sided. I may seems to be strong but I do have my weakest moment. I may seem cheerful but I do have my saddest moment. By the way, what is the definition of "Strong" in life? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually? How would you define strong? I know one thing is for sure: I am not strong...
Walked in the drizzle... It was ages since I last did that. Nowadays, it keep raining. I am always tempted to walk in the drizzle but it was not at the right time. Everytime it drizzles, I also have my bag of notes with me or my laptop. Today, I had my keys with me only. So I just walked in the drizzle and at the same time, it made me feel better. It also straighten my thoughts as well. I am nothing, why should I go into relationship since I have nothing to give to my the other half? What I can give is something that is not practical or essential for survival. It's no wonder she ignores me. I have no idea what's going on and I having guess about it. Well, I roughly got her message that asking me to leave her alone.... I guess I am too sticky and irritating. I am depriving her from her freedom and interuppting her focus. I actually unknowing did something that I didn't want to do in the first place. Now, just let me "disappear" for now....